July 5, 1982
Mr. & Mrs. Robert W. Henderson
222 Vaughns Gap Road
Nashville, TN 37205
Dear Mom & Dad,
I just thought I’d drop y’all a line to let you know how much fun I’m having at summer camp! Here at Charlie Kilo Bravo (Camp Kick’n Booty), we have lots of fun activities that last all day long.
First we play exercise. This game is very fun because you get to see the campers turn all different shades of pretty colors. At this point people do the most remarkable buffalo imitations. After morning recess we get to play jungle soldiers in the mess hall. This event requires a great deal of skill, because the enemy is very carefully disguised: last week I was attacked by an ambush stew (it attacks your stomach when you’re least likely to expect it).
After lunch we get to take an afternoon nap. This opportunity is afforded us in the cool confines of our class rooms. The only problem with this activity for me though is, that I have not yet learned to sleep with toothpicks supporting my eyelids – very uncomfortable.
The only thing I don’t like at this camp is the big green man that comes around. He has a very big hat that looks like Smoky the Bear. However, he is much louder than smoky. He screams and yells a lot, calling us all sorts of names I never heard of before.
Yesterday he told me my head was made of silly putty – but I don’t believe him. I think his undergarments are too tight or something, cause he always looks so red in the face. I think the man needs a vacation. Maybe you could talk to his boss?
Well, I’ve got to go now, my counselor just informed us that he is taking us out for rifle target practice – with a gun?
Your devoted camper boy,
“Telly Savalas” Henderson